Pranks [Email]

Awful Articles

Descrambled

Tuesday, February 1, 2000 Update by Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka

To: Lowtax
Subject: Cheap cable!!!

I know you didn't ask for this but, I thought you might want to know about this~Build your own Cable Television Descrambler with only 7 parts from your local Radio Shack for Under $12.00! Does not require any alteration of your television set. It screws on to the cable line itself.

Get All the Premium Movie Channels, Pay Per View and Adult Entertainment Channels FREE!!!! For complete information send Self Address Stamped Envelope to:

Cable

P.O. box 673

Prior Lake MN 55372

To: Cable
Subject: RE: Cheap cable!!!

You're right, I didn't ask for this! You bastards don't know what you're talking about! I buy your book and you say I need a UHF switch and I bought one and hooked it up to the TV and I heard a loud pop and the power went out. It took them 2 days to fix the electricity in my house, and I had to stay over at my mother-in-law's house, where the broad bugged me all day. Then I come back to my house, and the electricity was on, but the TV still didn't work, and the "contraption" you guys told me to build is still hooked on the TV. So I get my son to try to take it off (it might electrocute me) and he gets shocked and thrown to the ground. Now he starts crying and my wife starts yelling at me, and all I know is I got this thing hooked to me TV shooting sparks and shit at my family, and now we can't watch Springer at 3. So it looks like I'm going to visit you in Minnesota and cram your UHF switch up your lying asses, cause this has ruined my marriage, you bastards.

Rich

To: Lowtax
Subject: RE: Cheap cable!!!

Rich,

We have no records of your purchase. If you have a question/comment, please mail it to:

Cable

P.O. box 673

Prior Lake MN 55372

To: Cable
Subject: RE: Cheap cable!!!

The hell?!? Why don't you get off your lazy asses and look around for my "record". Your stupid device has made me impotent, and I'm starting to lose my hair. Plus our damn TV STILL doesn't work, and it hums all night long. And anything we put on top of it catches fire. Our cat walked by the device last night, and it electrified it (I'm not mad about THAT). But we can't move the TV cause it's got some current going through it and the last time I made my son try to move it, one of his teeth were knocked out. I just bought this thing to watch the adult channels, because God knows I'm sick of my wife. Oh yeah, and she's still screaming at me about the TV too.

You'd better help me!

Rich

- Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka